Dewar's and water, please

To give the reader some perspective, let me begin this dissertation with a maxim apropos to most any situation: Life is Hard.

To wit:

As I watch the man across the way relentlessly and fruitlessly bring down his pickaxe on the unsuspecting stump of a long dead orange tree, I am reminded of my penis. Once a landmark of my unbridled masculinity, it stood proudly. High atop this narrator's barren waistband stood a shimmering ebony tower of confidence and domination ready, at a moment's notice, to strike out all those who dare to question its authority. Now, it dangles in accordance with the whims of its master's torso as it busies itself with the task of staying alive.

This once majestic monument, now deflated and useless, sways in the breeze of unambitious utilitarian pursuits. It is this old man's flag of permanent defeat.

P.S.

I am almost done with my first children's book. Look for details here soon.